Win Ben Stein's Money/Quotes
Opening Spiels 1997: "Hello. I'm Ben Stein. And today, I'm going to make history. I'm going to put up $5,000 of my money. So, if you're smart enough, fast enough, and if you've got the guts, you can WIN BEN STEIN'S MONEY!!!" 1998–2001: "Hello. I'm Ben Stein. And today, I'm going to make﻿ history. I'm putting up $5,000 that says I know more than you. So, if you're smart enough, fast enough, and if you've got the guts, you can WIN BEN STEIN'S MONEY!!!" 2001–2003: "Hello. I'm Ben Stein. My brain is a miraculous instrument. It contains the information I use to protect my money--$5,000. I'll put it up, but I won't give it up without a fight. But, if you're smart enough, quick enough, and lucky enough, you can WIN BEN STEIN'S MONEY!!!" REST OF SPIEL: "And now, (please welcome,) (insert funny comment here), BEN STEIN!" Ben: "(insert funny quote here) and tonight/today I'm going to put up/putting up $5,000 of my money! And I'm giving these three totally strange strangers/(insert funny insults) a chance to win all away from me, if they've got (insert funny comment)/(they can take it all away from me) if they're smart enough, quick enough, and lucky enough." "Now, why have I done this? Call me crazy." AUDIENCE: "YOU'RE CRAZY!" "But also call me fairly sure that they don't have a chance against me!" "Now, let's turn to the (insert funny comment here), Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Cousin Sal Iacono! Tell us about these (insert funny names)!" Catchphrases Round 1 "Contestants, good luck. You're gonna need it. Everyone, please turn your attention to our game board, as Jimmy/Nancy/Cousin Sal tells us our first five topics." – Ben Stein "And they are…" – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (to reveal the five categories for Round 1) "In the first round, questions are worth anywhere from $50 to $150 of my money. Any time you manage to answer the question correctly, you win money, and I lose it. (There's no penalty for an incorrect answer, except funny comment.)" – Ben Stein "We're gonna start with you, (contestant), please pick a topic." – Ben Stein "$50/$100/$150 Question…" – Ben Stein (when a contestant selected the category for the assigned value of the question) (NOTE: Sometimes beginning Season 3, he added the word 'Query', which is another word for 'Question') "$50 Follow-up…" – Ben Stein (when a contestant answered the first part of the question correctly) "$50 Toss-up…" – Ben Stein (when all three contestants failed to answer the first part of the question correctly) "Before I lose any more cash, it's time to take a break. And then we'll be back to see how much more money these (funny insult) can take away from me right after this." – Ben Stein "We're back with more of Win MY, Ben Stein's Money. Right now (insert leading contestant) has (insert score) of my money. Jimmy/Nancy/Cousin Sal, what's our new category?" – Ben Stein (telling Jimmy/Nancy/Sal what's the new category coming out of the first commercial break) "(insert category). And (contestant with the last correct answer), you had the last correct answer, so you'll get to pick first." – Jimmy Kimmel "(Contestant with the last correct answer), you had the last correct answer, so you get to select our next category." – Ben Stein (on some first season episodes) "We have less than two minutes left in this round." – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (whenever there's less than two minutes left during Round 1) "(cuckoo sounds) CO-HOST: And that almost the end of the First Round/sound means we have a tie for second place BEN: We have a tie, so I'm gonna ask a tie-breaking question for (insert second place tied contestants). You have to be first player to ring in and answer it correctly. If you answered incorrectly, you're out." – Ben Stein (upon a tiebreaker) "(cuckoo sounds) And that is the end of the First Round. (insert leading contestant) has (insert score) of Ben's Money, (insert second place contestant) has (insert score) of Ben's Money. And (last place contestant), unfortunately, I'm afraid it's time to say goodbye." – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono "Since you've only managed to take (insert lowest score) away from me, and that means we have to say goodbye and it also means I have to take back your (insert lowest score) you thought you've won(, and action it to my total/back on the board)." – Ben Stein (talking to the last place contestant after Round 1) "When we come back, these two survivors/(funny insults) can try to get deeper into my wallet. And I will defend my money by actually becoming a contestant. Stay tuned, you might learn something/I dare you." – Ben Stein (at the start of the commercial break after Round 1) Round 2 "It's time to find out who has the most brains in their head/(insert various quotes), as we play more of Win Ben Stein's Money!" – Jimmy Kimmel (at the Start of Round 2 in early Season 1 episodes) "It's time to find out how smart Ben really is as we play more of Win Ben Stein's Money!" – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (at the start of Round 2 from Seasons 2-6) "Now we'll see just how smart Ben really is as we play more of Win Ben Stein's Money!" – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (at the start of Round 2 on some episodes from Seasons 2-6) "Welcome back. As this round begins, (contestant #1) has (contestant #1's score) of my money, (contestant #2) has (contestant #2's score) of my money, and I have a mere (remaining total) remaining of my original $5,000 stake, which I will now defend by becoming a common contestant!" (stands at the third player's podium, which now has his name on the plate and dollar sign on the scoreboard) – Ben Stein "From this point forward, Ben has no advance knowledge of any of the questions to be asked. Isn't that true/right, Ben?" – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (giving the Round 2 disclaimer) "This is the part of the show where we tell/remind everyone/everybody that Ben does not get the answers to the questions ahead of time. Isn't that true/right, Ben?" – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (giving a variation of the Round 2 disclaimer) "Sadly, yes. And I'm also sad to say that the dollar amounts/questions in this round have (insert various words; i.e. obscenely) risen to the range of $200 to $500 of my money, that's if you (the two remaining contestants) get them right. If I''' get them right, my total remains/stays the same, but thankfully none of my money is taken away." – Ben Stein "And whoever has the highest score at the end of this round, whether it be (Contestant #1) or (Contestant #2), gets to play against Ben one-on-one for $5,000." – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (disclaimer, continued) "So let's take a look at/check out our topics/(new) categories. They are…" – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (to reveal the five categories for Round 2) "Ben, it's your money, you'll get to pick first." – Jimmy Kimmel "I'll take/try that one." - Ben Stein (when he picks the category after Jimmy/Nancy/Sal reveals the new category) "(Alright/Okay,) For $200/$300/$400/$500 (of Ben's Stein's Money/dollars)…" – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (when a contestant selects the category for the assigned value of the question) "We have less than one minute left in this round." – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (whenever there's less than one minute left during Round 2) "Our new/next category/topic is…" – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (whenever the new category is revealed in both Rounds) "(cuckoo sounds) That sound means the round is almost over, and we have a tie with (insert tied contestants). So, what that means is that I'm gonna ask you a tiebreaker question. The first player to ring in with a correct answer, will face Ben Stein in our Final Round. If you answer it incorrectly, you're out." – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (upon a tiebreaker) "(cuckoo sounds) That sound means the round is over. Congratulations (insert winning contestant), you have (insert score) of Ben's Money. And that means we have to say good-bye to (insert losing contestant). – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono "(insert losing contestant), you've been a worthy competitor, but you're history. Since you're leaving, I get to take back/(insert action) your (lowest score) and add/(insert action) it back to my total. – Ben Stein (talking to the losing contestant after Round 2) "Now, we've reached a final financial crush, you (winning contestant), maybe in moments of winning it all $5,000 of my money. That is if you're smarter, quicker, and luckier than I am. Stay tuned, it could get ugly/you might learn something./Stay in your seats. We'll be right back." – Ben Stein (at the start of commercial break after Round 2) "When we come back, it's the most dramatic two minutes in television. As (insert contestant) and I face off in an isolation booth for all $5,000 of my cash/money. Stay tuned! (It's gonna be brutal/It could get ugly!)" – Ben Stein "Think you're smarter than Ben? Well, if you'll be in the L.A. area and would like to win some of Ben Stein's Money, call 1-213/323-520-4BEN (4236)." – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (explaining to the viewers what they can do if they must be in the show) Bonus Round Catchphrases "Now we'll see if (insert champion's name) can win $5,000 of Ben Stein's Money!" - Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (at the start of the Best of 10 Test of Knowledge) "Thank you, Jimmy/Nancy/Cousin Sal. (champion), congratulations. Now it's/we're down to just you and me. So far, you've taken (main game score) away from me, and that is yours to keep no matter what happens. And now you have a chance, albeit a small one/I'd say a pretty darn good one, to walk out of here with all $5,000 of my cash, which Jimmy/Nancy/Cousin Sal is now wheeling towards us in this safe. All you have to do is beat me in what we call the Best of 10 Test of Knowledge. Could you explain it/The Best of 10 Test of Knowledge to our champion please, Jimmy/Nancy/Cousin Sal?" – Ben Stein "Yes, Ben. (champion), I'm going to ask you and Ben the same 10 questions. If you can answer more of them than the mighty Mr. Stein, you'll win all $5,000 of his money. You can go first or second." – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (explaining the Best of 10 Test of Knowledge) "To the/your booths!" – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono "As always, I swear on (unusual object) that I have no knowledge of the questions that will be asked." – Ben Stein (explaining the bonus round disclaimer) "All right, Ben/(insert contestant), have a seat. Ben/(insert contestant) is locked up on a Soundproof Isolation Booth. And as I tell/remind you, since Ben/(insert contestant) can't hear me, (insert funny quote)." – Jimmy Kimmel (giving a brief chat to Ben or contestant in the booth before asking 10 questions) "You have 60 seconds to answer 10 questions." – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono "I will do my best." – Ben Stein "Ready? Let's begin!" – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono "Pass./(I have/had) No idea/Don't know." (when the contestant or Ben doesn't know the answer) "Try it./Take a guess." – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (when the 10th and final question is asked) "Yes. (ding)." – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (when the contestant gives correct answers) "More specific, please." – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (to remind the contestant or Ben to be more specific in their answer) "No." – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (when the contestant gives incorrect answers) "Yes, that's right, Ben/(insert contestant), you got a total of (insert number of correct answers). The ones you missed, (insert correct answers that the player or Ben missed every question)." – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (after the 10th question) "No, (that is not right/correct,) it's (insert correct answer). Ben/(insert contestant), you got a total of (insert number of correct answers). The ones you missed, (insert correct answers that the player or Ben missed every question)." – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (after the 10th question) "Time's up. You got a total of (insert number of correct answers). The ones you missed, (insert correct answers that the player or Ben missed every question)." – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono "Well (insert contestant)/Ben, Ben/(insert contestant) got a score of (insert number). Do you think you can beat that?" – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono "Time is up, and with (insert number), (insert contestant), (congratulations,) you just won $5,000 of Ben Stein's money!" – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (if the contestant won) "Yes, that's right, and with that (insert number), you just won $5,000 of Ben Stein's money!" – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (if the contestant won by one or more correct answers after the 10th question) "No, that is not right/correct, and Ben, I'm sorry, you only got (insert low number), and (insert contestant) has just taken your/won $5,000!" – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (if the contestant won by Ben giving an incorrect answer after the 10th question) "Time is up, and we have a tie!" – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (if the score was a tie) "Time is up, I'm sorry, (insert contestant), but Ben wins the game with (insert number)." – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (if Ben won) "Yes, that's right, Ben. (Insert contestant), I'm sorry, but Ben wins the game with (insert number)." – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (if Ben won after the 10th question) "No, that is not right/correct, I'm sorry, (insert contestant), but Ben wins the game with (insert number)." – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (if Ben won and contestant loses after the 10th question) "Final score is (insert score recap)/(insert contestant)/Ben with (insert number), and Ben/(insert contestant) with (insert number)." – Jimmy Kimmel/Nancy Pimental/Sal Iacono (to recap the final scores) "(Well done,) You just got $5,000 of (my) Ben Stein's money! That was a very well played game! I bow to your superior knowledge! I'm impressed, I'm humbled, I hate you, get out of here, now take the money and leave, you've done enough damage here!" – Ben Stein (when he failed to beat the contestants' score) "Well, I'm very relieved you didn't get my $5,000. However, I '''am humbled you'll be walking out of here with (insert main game score) of my money. So far, I managed to successfully defend (money left), which I will use to take on my next opponents." – Ben Stein (when he beat the contestants' score) "Well, I'm very relieved you didn't beat me. However, for proving you're my intellectual equal, I'm going to give you an extra $1,000 to go with the (insert main game score); so you're leaving with a total of (insert final total) of my money. That means that today I've managed to successfully defend (money left), which I will use to take on my next opponents." – Ben Stein (when he and the contestant tied) Taglines "I challenge everyone/you all to write, call, or e-mail to futility.com; in the hope, as infinitesimal as it might be, that on some distant planet, on some distant day, you might Win (echoing)… Ben (echoing)… Stein's (echoing)… Money (echoing)!" - Ben Stein (1) "We're out of time. Until next time, I give three more people a chance to Win (echoing)… Ben (echoing)… Stein's (echoing)… Money (echoing)!" - Ben Stein (2) "Promotional consideration provided by…" - Jimmy/Nancy/Sal Category:Win Ben Stein's Money Category:Quotes & Catchphrases